How to Release Judgment and Have Healthier Relationships | AshleyKeefe.com

How to Release Judgment and Have Healthier Relationships

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

While most of your feeds will be PACKED with all things fitness and nutrition, I want to spend these first weeks of January honing your mindset muscles and offering some juicy insight into a few tools that’ll help you make incredible transformations in the way you live your life.

This week I’m recapping a recent read, Gabby Bernstein’s book Judgment Detox and serving up my personal insights for how releasing judgment can help you create healthier relationship and more overall freedom.

TRUST ME, even if you don’t consider yourself a spiritual person, you can still get a lot out of her 6 step breakdown and I highly recommend grabbing a copy of this book.

Here are my quick cliff notes:

 

Step 1: Witness Your Judgment Without Judgment

One tricky little thing about deep diving into judgement is our tendency to JUDGE our own judgments, adding a whole new layer on cake. Yikes.

It does ZERO amount good to continue the cycle of judgement by being harsh on ourselves about what’s happening. Instead, Gabby invites us to witness our judgment and ask a few simple questions:

  • What and who am I judging?
  • How does this judging make me feel?
  • What experience of my past is triggering this now?

When we start to understand that it doesn’t feel good to judge other people, we get more clarity that continuing with this detox is the right path.

 

Step 2: Honor the Wounds that Live Beneath the Judgment

One you’ve shone light on your judgments, then it’s time to honor the wounds that live beneath them. One of my favorite lines from the book: “We have to feel to heal.”

Our feelings of unworthiness lead us to project our judgment outward. When you take time to honor what’s underneath the judgement, you offer yourself compassion (rather than shame, guilt, more judgement, etc) and further compassion for those feeling of unworthiness.

 

Step 3: Practice Love and Compassion

Helps to shift your energy from the judgment to an open heart and to deeper connection with other people.

It’s important to note here that we can project this both externally AND internally. After all, we wouldn’t be in the space of judgment if we weren’t already craving some sort of love and compassion toward ourselves.

 

Step 4: See for the First Time

Practice seeing who or what you’re judging for the first time.

For people who are working through some big traumas they’ve experienced, this can be really tender and doesn’t necessarily happen overnight. Keep in mind, these steps are not to condone the behavior of the person you’re judging if they’ve done something hurtful. Rather, it’s to give YOU the freedom you deserve.

 

Step 5: Cut the Cords

Once you’ve seen your judgement for the first time, you can practice the releasing or cord cutting process.

Cutting cords is an energetic way to release the bond to who or what you’ve been judging and can offer an immense amount of healing.

 

Step 6: Bring Your Shadows to the Light

To me, this step feels like we’ve come full circle. You’re bringing forward the parts of yourself that you don’t necessarily like to look at and shining your light on it.

Again, you’ll follow the steps of practicing forgiveness toward yourself and the other in order to heal the judgment and move into a state of compassion.

 

My Takeaway

When you’re constantly in a state of judgment, big or small, it really blocks you from connecting outward and strengthening relationships with yourself and those around you.

This book helped bring light to situations where I judge really quickly (whether it be toward my family, myself, or strangers in traffic) and helped create more freedom in my life.

By following these steps and shining light on your judgments, you can release petty resentments and jealousies, you can use compassion to replace that initial sense of attacking (opening your heart to the world and those around you), and your resistance to the things happening around your shifts to a sense of freedom and openness.

Overall, I really enjoyed this book and think that we could all use a judgment detox!

 

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